Frozen Delights
by streetsweeper
Summary: Puck watches, disturbed and totally not turned on , as Kurt cleans himself off after a slushie attack. Minor crack. Slightly Puck/Kurt with special participation from Tina and Artie. Minor swearing involved. Oneshot.


**A/N: **Slightly crack-ish fic! :) This story is "sort-of-but-not-really" Puck/Kurt. Hope you like it. R&R please. :) Major brownie points for anyone who knows what "Metal Marines" is and has played it before.

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Look, I don't know what it is that's been going on between me and Hummel lately, but I'm not complaining about it. When the scrawny little ice queen found out I was dating his main girl Mercedes, he threatened to skin me alive if I even think about hurting her. He earned my respect then, not that I'd ever tell him that. I guess we're sort of friends now. I went to his place last week to play Metal Marines with Finn and he totally kicked both our asses. Oh, and it doesn't matter what he tells you, I totally did not throw a "bitchfit" over that.

So when the slushie wars have once again started, I decided to do something nice for the kid and his weird little band of misfits for once by making sure they don't get iced in the face by some random idiot. I managed to succeed and kept them corn syrup free for a couple of weeks so I felt safe enough to stop following them like a creeper who has no life.

But then I saw goth chick leading a slushie-soaked Hummel to the girls' bathroom after class one day and realized that apparently, the idiots in this school didn't understand that they're off limits, as mandated by Noah Puckerman. And when he took a moment to lick _(lick!)_ a sticky purple spot of slushie off his hand, first I was aroused, then I was furious. I stormed after them into the bathroom, not caring that it was the ladies room, as I am too badass to care about trivialities like that. Goth chick was fussing over Hummel, taking off his shirt as he continues to lick his hands clean. God, is it hot in this room or what? How about a little ventilation, maintenance people?

"Kurt! Stop licking yourself, it's disturbing! And you look like a cat licking his paws!"

Yeah. Disturbing. Cat. Paws.

"It tastes good, Tee. It'll be a shame to let it all go to waste, and besides, I'm –"

Well, it's about time one of these two idiots saw me.

"Noah! What the hell are you doing in the girl's bathroom?"

"I could ask you the same question, Hummel. So, who did that to you?"

"I didn't know him, not that this should be any of your concern. At least he missed my hair."

"It was some guy from the math club. He's in Artie's English class. Ok, that's it Kurt, licking your hand was bad enough, you are not about to start licking your arm! Just take off your shirt, will you?"

Is that a lump in my throat? I must be coming down with something.

"Alright, Tina, chill. Well, Noah, unless you're planning on watching our little clean-up session, you better leave now."

"Oh, I intend to watch this little strip show, alright."

What the fuck did I just say?

"Excuse me, what?"

Well, this sucks. But I can't bring myself to leave. Something about that damn hand-licking. Remind me never to buy grape slushies ever again.

"Whatever, Noah."

Hummel removed his shirt and stuffed it on the sink and started wiping himself off with a moist towelette. And don't ask me how the fuck I knew what those things were called. Goth girl was bent over the sink, washing the sticky crap off his clothes and I should probably be distracted by the fact that her ass was almost showing through her short skirt, but I can't keep my eyes off Hummel's torso. Who knew this kid had such a toned body?

Oh, fuck. Pull yourself together, Puckerman. You are not ogling the gay kid. You. Are. Not.

"Actually, Noah, you so totally are."

Shit.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Hummel. That was so not what I said. You probably have that grape crap stuck in your ears. You too goth chick."

"Hey, if you're gonna have the hots for my friend, you might as well learn my name. It's Tina. T-I-N-A, Tina. Got that, or are you too bothered by the sight of Kurt towelling himself off?"

"Shut it!"

The two freaks laughed as Abrams rolled into the bathroom with a shirt in tow. Well, this just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

"I got your shirt, Kurt... Oh, hey Puck, I didn't know you were in here."

"He's just enjoying the show, Artie."

Wheels raised an eyebrow in a way that made me want to tip his chair over.

"Get over yourself, Hummel. There was nothing about that 'show' that I enjoyed."

"Yeah, except for the licking, and the wiping, and the shirtlessness."

That's it, this goth chick is on my shit list.

"Wait, there was licking involved? Kurt, I thought Mercedes told you to stop licking yourself when you get slushied. It's not hygienic. But hey, if it gets Puck this hot and bothered..."

"Whatever, freaks. I'm not hot and bothered. That was disgusting."

"Your pants don't seem to think so."

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. This is not happening. It was Tina. She was getting me all bothered by her bending over. Yeah, that's it.

"Hey, Puck? Maybe when Kurt gets slushied again, you could be the one to clean him up. It'll be a shame to let all that slushie go to waste, right Kurt?"

"Whatever, Tina."

"Aww, you remembered my name! That's sweet! Kurt likes sweet, don't you, Kurt?"

Hummel just fucking _winked_ at me and laughed as he led wheels and goth chick out of the bathroom. I have got to get the fuck home and give myself a cold shower. I am so not thinking about licking that sticky stuff off Hummel's body right now. I'm not. _I'm not_, Ok? Shut up already.

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**A/N(2): **So there you go! I'm thinking about either writing a sequel to my "What do Boys' Lips Taste Like?" fic or just writing a whole new Kurt/Brittany/Santana friendship fic altogether. What do you guys think?


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